


Bedtime Stories

by PetuniaPink



Category: The Female Odd Couple, The Female Odd Couple - Simon, The Odd Couple (1968), The Odd Couple (TV 1970), The Odd Couple (TV 2015)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/F, Female Ungison, Female Version, Female-Centric, Femslash, Femslash February, Femslashuary, Fluff, Middle-Aged NYC Lesbians, National Tell a Fairytale Day, Profanity, Some G-rated cuddling to close out Femslash February, The first seasonal/holiday Odd Couple fic I know of, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Ungison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 12:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13834065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetuniaPink/pseuds/PetuniaPink
Summary: When Flo can't sleep, she tries to get Ollie to fall asleep with a bedtime story and cuddles. Fluff ahead. Mild profanity.





	Bedtime Stories

**Author's Note:**

> Ollie and Flo are owned by either Neil Simon, Paramount, or Samuel French.
> 
> This is technically a holiday fic, as it ties into National Tell a Fairytale Day which is Feb 26th.

It was a nice if mildy humid Monday night in late February for Ollie Madison. The apartment was cool because the apartment's other resident was neurotic about “wasting money to suffocate ourselves”, but not cool to the point of being unpleasant partially due to the higher-than-usual temperatures New York City was experiencing-and the covers were wonderfully warm. Ollie was all curled up in her sheets and about to blissfully drift off into slumberland when _of course_ someone knocked at the bedroom door. She hadn’t heard any burglars, SWAT teams, or police burst into the apartment, so she was going to guess it’d been none other than her partner and best friend, Florence Ungar. Ollie scowled at the disturbance.

 

“What is it, Florence?”

 

“Can I come in, Olive? I can’t fall asleep.” This was going to be a long night, wasn’t it? Ollie could just tell Florence was going to talk her ears off all night and fill Ollie with worries. She loved Flo to death, she really did, she wouldn’t be full-out living with her and going to couples’ therapy every other week to keep that a reality otherwise, but Jesus Christ was the woman bad for falling asleep. It was one of the reasons they still generally kept to their separate bedrooms despite being a quite sexually-active couple for several months now. Oh fucking well. Ollie literally kissed her good night’s sleep goodbye and sighed louder than she usually did before inviting her other half in.

 

“Sure, Florence. I’m scooting over in my bed so you can climb in.” The door opened and the petite woman walked in. She wore a modest sleeveless nightgown and a matching light house  jacket over it. Ollie had to roll her eyes sometime at her partner’s insistence on always matching her outfits, no matter where she was or what situations she was in. She walked over to Ollie’s bed and climbed in with her partner. Florence primly laid down on her back, pulled the covers back over her, and turned to face Ollie. Ollie looked back at her. 

 

“What’s bugging you?” Flo scooted closer to her ladylove while looking at her with wide eyes, ultimately putting her forearms between her torso and Ollie’s. Ollie was torn between scooching back from Florence and moving forward to cuddle with her.

 

“Are you going to talk, Flo, or are you going to just plow into me?” Florence stopped about two  inches (5.08 cm) away from Ollie’s face. 

 

“Did you want me to? I know you don’t like it when I talk in bed when you’re trying to sleep. Please, just go on with your evening and go to sleep.” Florence looked concerned at the woman she’d climbed into the bed of. Ollie rolled her eyes.

 

“Yes, I’ll very much be able to drop off like an eight-month-old baby with you staring at me and breathing on my face.” 

 

“And I’ll probably go asleep a few minutes after you do, Olive.”

 

“You’re not gonna sleep at all then, Florence.”

 

“Why is that?” Ollie narrowed her eyes at Flo.

 

“Because I’m not going to be able to fall asleep with you in that position, that’s why! God, can’t you understand sarcasm when someone smacks you in the face with it?!?!?” 

 

“Well, what position did you want me to be in, huh? Behind you? Facing away from you? On the floor? Back in my own bedroom, alone away from you so you can be alone, huh?” Florence pouted at Ollie with a sniff.

 

“Sulking and crying’s going to get you kicked out of the bed, asshole.” Ollie immediately saying that phrase. Literally all she had to do this time was turn the hell away from Florence, and she’d let herself threaten to do something she didn’t really want to do now out of anger that escalated for a really quite tremendously stupid reason. Needing sleep really fucked with your judgement and emotions. Oh well, Flo’d learn her lesson to not fuck with Ollie’s sleep. 

 

“Olive, dearie? Are you okay, sweetheart?” The woman was absolutely incredible in how tone-deaf and/or mindlessly determined to get her way she was. Ollie nearly jumped as a delicate hand gently stroked on top of her hair, carefully as to not undo Ollie’s high bun she wore to sleep. She inhaled sharply as her body was “shocked” with a shot of soothing fuzzy warmth with each stroke. Flo looked at her with puppy-dog eyes that would turn Jack the Ripper into a huge pile of mush. 

 

“Do you want me to tell you a bedtime story, Olive?” Ollie let out a huge puff of laughter at her lover’s suggestion. Florence looked hurt.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Florence once again looked forlorn. Ollie caught her breath.

 

“Because that’s extremely out of left field. Do you think I’m six years old and can fall asleep with a fucking bedtime story?” Flo cupped her face.

 

“Well, I can try since I disturbed you from falling asleep earlier. I’ve got to try to fix what I broke, right?”

 

“And you could always break things further by trying to fix them. But okay, tell me what you’ve got. Worst comes to worst either I turn away from you or we could maybe end up having sex and we fall asleep that way.” 

 

Florence smiled excitedly and clasped her hands together. She breathed in a lot before launching into her story.

“Okay, so once upon a time there was a beautiful princess-no, queen. She lived in this beautiful pink castle that was, unfortunately, a total mess even though she had all these servants to help her out. She never picked up her own clothes, dishes, or anything else unless she was using it again. The servants absolutely hated how much work they had to do to keep the castle from becoming an utter black hole. One day while the queen was outside reading, the prettiest, most gorgeous fairy ever saw her and visited. The queen really liked the fairy and they started talking and looking at flowers outside together-fairies aren’t allergic to pollen like many humans are. However, one day the queen came out flower-gazing and after finishing a snack to keep her blood sugar up she dropped the wrapper into the main part of her bag instead of putting it in a section or smaller bag just for trash. The fairy was horrified at this and insisted on following the queen back to her castle to find a garbage-bag to take out the next time they went flower-gazing. After the fairy discovered how much filth and mess the queen kept herself in, she waved her want to automatically tidy up the castle and pointed out to the queen what an irresponsible slob she was. The queen responded that her kingdom was fine even if her castle wasn’t. The fairy pouted for a bit but realized she could just keep waving her wand and reminding the queen to be tidier, and eventually the queen would be cleaner. There’s been a bit of an improvement, but the queen is still messy and the fairy keep cleaning up after her to keep her safe. Both still love being together and have been living happily after after. The end! How was that? Amazing?” 

 

“You do realize that’s pretty much the fairytale version of us, right Florence?”

 

“I write what I know.”

 

“Also, I like how you referred to me as a princess before quickly correcting it to me being a queen. Fifty years behind the times much?”

 

“Princesses are pure and wonderful. Plus, in every sort of media queens have ruined things while princesses have fixed them. Except in  _ Frozen _ , actually-Princess Anna caused Queen Elsa to freeze Arendelle because Anna disobeyed her older sister and caused her to freak out, then Queen Elsa ended up saving everything because she unfroze Anna and undid her endless winter.” Flo smiled. Ollie raised her eyebrows.

 

“Lemme give it a shot.” Ollie looked at her bedmate.

 

“A long, long, time ago, there were a race of elves, the Diylem, that came in all colors of the rainbow. They were able to chant spells that allowed them to transport themselves anywhere in the blink of an eye. Unfortunately, one day a member of their greatest enemy, the Schnaveed, a race of elves with goat horns, figured out that by chanting a spell they could tear the fabric of the warps the Diylem used to teleport themselves. A member of the Diylem disguised himself as a Schnaveed woman, sneaked off into a Schnaveed camp as a prostitute, gave the Schnaveed men who wanted to sleep with him a truth serum, got the secret of tearing up Schnaveed spells, and figured out that by reciting them again the Diylem’s teleporting holes were immediately fixed. The Diylem have been able to easily teleport everywhere since. _Le fin_.”

 

“The end, in French right?”

 

“Yep. And I’m tired. You did a good job, honey.”

 

“Aw, thank you! You too! See, me telling you a bedtime story helped you go to sleep faster!”

 

Flo put her arms around Ollie and kissed her cheek. Ollie smiled, embraced Florence back, and gently kissed her on the forehead. The two women snuggled into each other tight, closed their eyes, and had a soft, sweet kiss on the lips. Florence raised her right hand and brushed the back at Ollie’s neck. Ollie rubbed Flo’s back a little during their kiss.

 

“Goodnight, Olive.”

 

“Goodnight, Florence.”

 

Both women fell asleep happy and warm.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to close out Femslash February with fluffy Ungison cuddles. It's still not my best effort lol. This was typed directly into Google Docs and then copy-pasted into A03. 
> 
> Shat out last-minute so that my only Femslash February contribution this year wouldn't be a shameless smut piece with horrendous grammar.


End file.
